How I feel

I’m sorry that this a morbid blog but I feel awful right now and I need a place to lay out my feelings. I just want to understand them.

They’re not new, I’ve had them for about 2 years but I’ve had enough of them. Anyone who’s reading, if anyone, because it’s not like anyone reads my blog posts anyway, is probably thinking about leaving but if you stay then thank you. Thank you so much.

I’ve been feeling unwanted. Like no one cares for me. It’s horrible and I hate it so much. It was the reason that I started this blog but considering I get 0 views EVERY single post, then it only made me feel worse. That’s why I took a break from it. No one cares for me on here, I tried so hard to engage with people but that was all in vain, nothing was returned.

I want things to get better but I’m beginning to doubt that they will.

No one from school ever messages me even though I message them. Whilst some peoples phones are always going off with messages, mines completely silent.

I have a best friend but she drives me insane. She’s completely different when she’s with me than when she’s with other people. When she’s with other people she talks quite a bit and makes joke but when with me there’s complete silence. I try so hard to make conversation, things that if I said it to someone else we’d have a proper conversation on. She never makes conversation with me and for me, it’s really boring when there’s just me and her because there’s only me trying. It’s not a phase because it’s been going on for two years. A while ago, her and a friends were out and her friend wanted to walk to her other friend’s house (which is about 5 minutes away from mine). So they went and she didn’t even think to call for me, they’d walked quite a while to go for the other person’s best friend but she didn’t come for me. This just highlighted the difference between us for me, how most best friends would do so much for theirs but mine won’t do hardly anything for me. She always seems to make more effort with everyone else and does nothing for me. We used to be close but not anymore. I try to text her but she, like everyone else, never messages me first. Last year, her, someone else and I were doing a project and I asked if something else could be added to the section that I was doing because I was doing less than the others and I wanted to make sure that I got the best grade that I could. But they talk between themselves (we had a group chat specifically for it!) and decided not to do- WITHOUT telling.

I don’t have as hard as so so many people so I’m so sorry that I’m complaining but I just needed to get this off my chest.

To anyone that has actually decided to read this, I really appreciate it and I hope you know how much it means to me xx


4 thoughts on “How I feel

  1. Hi, firstly, you are cared for. I promise. Even if the people around you do not show they care, know that a piece if you inside of you cares. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it will be OK because I so often feel the same. Just know that it is always the strong, clever, creative people who reach happiness and success. It is always the people who have already fought their war. It is really hard, feeling lonely. But you have to look out at the world, and make it yours, every day, go and get any part of it that you want, work for it. I know it is so difficult, but the most important thing is to NEVER GIVE UP on YOURSELF. Just because people do not see you does not mean you are you shining, never ever ever give up and give in. It is so much better to be unique and independent and passionate than a crowed pleaser. The WORLD WANTS YOU ✨I really hope I helped, you are most certainly not alone and hope you have a really really great day xx

    Liked by 1 person

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